Lost & Found
...And Time, flowing like a river, to the Sea- washed my baby and rarely lover but always my best friend-- away from me to the who knows where
The late Cordwainer Smith had some nice turns of phrase, from girly-girls to Go!-Captains to “the Up and Out” to describe jumping past lightspeed....
And sometimes that's what I think befell me- stepping on a wormhole that transported me into a strange new dimension that seems so much like the world I knew... it's just so subtlety different...
When I finally got around to emptying Emily's nightstand back in the fall of 2010 I took her stuff out of it and arraigned it for my needs- one of the boxes in the drawers has a sewing kit, and in that are/were several magnifiers for us old folks who don't see well. I had a couple of jeweler's loupes- one that snapped on a band over one eye, the other a 10X color-corrected loupe for examining diamonds.
A while back I noticed they were missing so last night I made a search- damnifI could find them anywhere. As a stopgap I got a 15X magnifier from my machine shop supplies, but I resumed the search this morning.
The one place I hadn't looked was the Chinese chest by the bed- the way it's angled you have to move the nightstand to open its drawers, so it was unlikely that I'd placed them there- but still I took a look...
My old schultzhund manual... some notes from me and from Emmy that mean nothing now, a matchbox from some restaurant in Texas Em had been to sans me years ago.
A couple of handheld games- “wildfire” was one of them, pinball another. A stun gun.
Papers & a cassette tape from Mom's memorial service- the one where I mistook my old business partner & lover for one of Mom's crone-ish neighbors... my, how time flies... and I swear I didn't have that much fun while it flew by. Damn it all.
The bottom drawer had a couple of terra-cotta Christmas candles- and a little triangular candle holder full of little Christmas candles- Emily had been going to sell this stuff on ebay right when she died.
I knew it was there- I'd just forgotten about it. I took them out and placed them in the hall with her stuffed animals that she had gotten from her Mom's house. Also right before she died.
It wasn't so bad... just kind of sad. There really is a part of me that wishes I could grab The Kid, my netbook and data, and turn my back and walk away from all this, never to return.
Can't do it, practically. But times I wish I could...